1-900-Taco Bell 4.99 A Minute

I had a chocolate chip cookie yesterday, two, even and as a result I deemed it not entirely catastrophic if i had some taco bell today.

My brother agreed and while guilt at eating junk food assailed me, all was forgotten when we got into the line for drive through. As per usual the normal excitement was present. One looks at the taco bell menu and knows what is desired. Still, we pretend to look through it wanting to be adventurous not knowing how adventurous we’re already being by eating at Taco Bell.

My brother settled on some three taco hard shell combo. I went with my double decker and steak bowl (too much food but what the hell).

When it’s time for our order to be taken we are blown away. The voice that is so normally fragmented and riddled with static is instead clear, crisp and the epitome of what a woman should sound like.

‘She sounds so hot!’ My brother whispers to me in awe. I too am surprised and nod vaguely.

She tells us that it’ll be a few minutes before she can take our order which is fine. Frankie (my brother) and I use it to debate what she might look like. I guess that she’s an 80 year old overweight woman (we all saw that Aerosmith video) and he continues to cheekily talk about how impressed with her she is.

The voice returns with apologies and takes our order. She repeats everything making sure all is in order (and still manages to miss the Chalupa mind you) and when my brother orders a Dr. Pepper she continues to blow us away by singing a Dr. Pepper song. My brother is in love and I myself am charmed. The total comes to 11.67 which we can pick up at the window.

When we get up there we crane our necks, trying to find our vocal vixen. We do. I was wrong. It was not an 80 year old overweight woman.

Instead, it is a lanky man, in his forties (if not early fifties) with stubble and large glasses. We think that perhaps we’ve made a mistake but he flirtatiously asks if we have any money and we half nod with smiles frozen on our faces.

I take the bag of food my brother hands me and look through it while my brother seems to stumble while he tries to find the appropriate amount of cash. We pay, say thank you and drive away.

We’re only a few seconds away from the drive through window when we burst into laughter. ‘What the hell?’ , ‘He sounded just like a chick!’ (politically correct, yes) and so on comes out of our mouths.

We cannot stop laughing. I vocalize that perhaps we made a mistake. Maybe we had spoken to a woman and then he had handed us our bags. But that couldn’t be it because he spoke to us and it was the same voice. We were so impressed with our vocal vixen that we tried to figure out if there was any way we could have missed it. I stated that I didn’t know why such an attractive sounding woman (as all unattractive people have undesirable jobs you see *this is sarcasm*) would work at Taco Bell. Frankie didn’t understand why she would sound so happy to work at Taco Bell period.

Either way we concluded that she/he needed a job at a 1-900 number because it’s definitely the sort of person we’d want to speak to if we were into that sort of thing.

The next topic Frankie brought up is what would happen if a car full of jocks drove through and had the same conversation we’d had prior to seeing our vixen. We agreed that they’d probably beat up the poor man for making them feel even slightly gay.

In the end I laughed for about fifteen minutes straight because I am that mature. I hope our Taco Bell vixen leaves Taco Bell and joins a sex line as an operator or some sort of customer service work. With that voice, he can go places.